Welcome to Starbucks. How may I help you?
Do you work here?
Yes. Yes I do.
Did you have to go to college to get this job?
No. No I didn’t.
Good. Cuz college sux.
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Cuz o’ the student loans.
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Cuz you have to pay them back. Then you get a job in corporate America and make a lot of money and that sux. It’s better to be in one of the serving professions.
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A serving profession…like the one you’re in…serving this Obamalicious coffee…
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That I couldn’t even afford ‘til my husband wrote some books.
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Couldn’t afford cuz o’ the student loans.
Ma’am, would you please order something. There are people waiting.
Don’t get uppity with me, white boy.
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You are white, aren’t you?
Yes. Yes I am.
Well that sux.
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Did you choose to be white?
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Cuz my husband had a choice.
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He chose to be black.
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It was a good choice…
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Cuz it might get him elected as President…
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Of the United States of America…
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Which makes me proud of my country…
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For the first time in my adult life.
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So, you’re white?
Yes. Yes I am.
Are you at least gay?
No. No I’m not.
Cuz my husband has a program for gays…
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And bisexuals and transgenders and Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders and African Americans and Americans Abroad and Environmentalists and First Americans and Kids and Labor and Latino Americans and People of Faith and Students and Veterans and Women…
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Oh, and lesbians. I forgot lesbians.
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Are you a lesbian?
I’m a man.
A straight white man?
Yes. Yes I am.
That Sux…
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Cuz my husband doesn’t have a anything for you.
Ma’am, may I PLEASE have you’re order.
Okay. I’ll take a small half coffee and half cream…I like my coffee like I like my men…
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Half and half.
That’ll be $2.64.
Here’s $3.00.
Here’s your change and I hope you have a nice day.
My husband’s for change and hope.
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He hopes to change the country…
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Cuz o’ the rampant racism…
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And white middleclassness…
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And AIDS and drugs…
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Which were invented by the white man…
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To keep the black man down.
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Oh, and the chickens.
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The roosting chickens.
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Well, I have to go. Remember, vote for my husband…Barack Obama…He’s a uniter.
Wow, she was weird. I wonder where she got those thoughts.
Welcome to Starbucks. May I take your order?
Shut up, cracker!!!
*applause*
That was great!