A deadly air battle took place over Alaska on February 10th.  That historical event was part of Biden’s new, knee-jerk strategy to shoot down everything flying over America.  Apparently, Biden is still embarrassed that citizens actually noticed a Chinese spy balloon floating “across 2,000 miles of American airspace untouched.” Oops. We weren’t supposed to find out-but we did and now the White House has declared zero tolerance for anything flying.

On February 10, 2023, a UFO (Unidentified Flying Object) was spotted flying at 38,910 feet over Alaska.  A USAF, F-22 was scrambled to intercept and destroy said target. The pilot of the F-22, Captain Flintstone (call sign Bam Bam) was agitated, nervous, and stressed because he placed a “sure thing” bet of 10 grand on the Philadelphia Eagles to win the Super Bowl on February 12th.  Unfortunately, he neglected to tell his wife about the wager or the fact that he borrowed the $$$ from their daughter’s college fund.

Bam Bam, flying at Mach 5, identified the UFO as some kind of balloon with the lettering LETS GO BRANDON! on the side.  Ground control immediately ordered the target destroyed with extreme prejudice.

Bam Bam muttered to himself:  “5th gen fighter vs a 14th-century balloon-it’s a dog fight!”

Bam Bam quickly fired a $400,000 AIM-9X Sidewinder missile at the balloon…..and….wait for it….completely missed the target.  The synthetic neoprene construction of the balloon confused the missile tracking system.  The balloon smiled and drifted away.  Bam Bam launched another missile and finally destroyed the target.

The “wrong way” gang in the White House declared “Mission Accomplished” and planned a ceremony in the rose garden to honor Bam Bam for heroically repelling an airborne invasion comparable to the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor in 1941.  Someone had to remind the president that it was the middle of winter, the vanquished enemy was a  balloon and, oh yeah, the roses in the garden (like his re-election campaign) were dead.

In a totally unrelated event, an Illinois based hobbyist club declared their science balloon “missing in action.” The balloon, a “silver-coated, party-style, Pico balloon” was last observed on February 10 at 38,910 feet off the west coast of Alaska.”  According to a high-ranking, anonymous government spokesperson,  “Something was there, now it’s not…yadda…yadda…yadda…it’s all Trump’s fault!”

Biden’s new zero tolerance for flying objects has launched a new cottage industry. Gender reveal parties now include launching helium balloons filled with either blue powder (boys) or pink powder (girls).  Party people will be mesmerized watching the sky for F-22s to magically appear overhead and launch Sidewinder missiles at the balloon.

BOOM! IT’S A GIRL!