Dear Baraky, About That Speech Problem

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An Open Letter To President Obama

Dear Prez,

Baraky, may I call you Baraky, this seems like an intimate conversation and I assign nicknames to all my friends, it is a country thing. Speech problems are like most other problems, the best solution is usually the easiest one. Even though you may be a fairly new reader, I commend your ability to read and express yourself with the written word. Many people would assume you have been reading for years.

As reading skills improve, communication skills also improve. During these periods of personal growth, it is imperative to expand your vocabulary.

Learning vocabulary may be accomplished by using one of two methods: you can look up each word, a time consuming method with no guarantees you’ll be remembering everything or you can use my personal method, I call it the “Skook’s Inference Method.” You literally infer the meaning of a word by other words in the same sentence; for example, pay attention to this dialogue, “Jim’s diarrhea became so severe, he was forced to wear tennis shoes to make it to the outhouse on time.” Personally, I think using these three dollar words is like putting on the dog (oops I mean like trying to impress someone, not like putting a dog on the barbecue); especially, when more common words like, “Wild and woolies” or “Grizzlies” are far more descriptive and explain the situation more succinctly.

When we examine the sentence through the eyes of someone who is perplexed over the word diarrhea, it would be easy or logical to assume or “infer” that Jim has important meetings at the outhouse and is driven to be punctual; although, our derived definition isn’t exact, it isn’t far from the true meaning, and in time, after encountering the word in a few different situations, we will slowly grasp the true meaning of the word and appreciate the pure beauty of the word.

Vocabulary can be fun, if we don’t let it intimidate us.

Sometimes, late hours spent inferring the meanings of three dollar words keeps us all up too late. I suggest hauling a slide-in camper on the back of your truck, and when you are overcome with fatigue, let’s say, while in a business meeting with an attractive young lady, don’t be afraid to use your new vocabulary, and just say, “Please excuse me, I have some important diarrhea issues to take care of,” then run out of her office and climb into your camper for a thirty minute siesta.

You can then walk back into her office and explain how you feel much better, after getting that load off your mind.

Let me assure you Baraky, you will make a lasting impression, with both your vocabulary and your relaxed, confident demeanor. In today’s world, it is important to be relaxed and confident in your verbal abilities.

I hope this helps you from becoming lost and bewildered in the future; especially, on those days when you are forced to speak without your teleprompter.

Your loyal friend and confidant, Skook.

A professional horseman for over 40 years, Skook continues to work with horses. He is in an ongoing educational program, learning life's lessons from one of the world's greatest instructors, the horse. Skook has finished an historical novel that traces a mitochondrial line of DNA from 50,000 years ago to the present. It goes to the copyeditor next month.

7 Responses to “Dear Baraky, About That Speech Problem”

  1. 3

    Liberal1 (objectivity)

    Ultra-conservative make a big deal out of Obama using a teleprompter, when all politicians use them—reality check.

  2. 6


    I just want to know why the teleprompter is programmed with all those :ers, ums and ahs. Or is this an alinski speech pattern purposed to portray presidential perspicuity and professorial profundity? I had a science professor at Umass who garnered a record number of “um”s in a forty five minute span but Umbama has it beat by umile.

  3. 7


    @Liberal1 (objectivity):

    How many other politicians use more than one teleprompter and look like they are watching a tennis match as they make their speech?

    How many other politicians, when the teleprompter is off, sound like a spoiled brat with the intelligence of a gnat?

    How many other politicians, even with the teleprompter, issue record numbers of “ums” with every speech?

    How many other politicians need a teleprompter in order to speak to an elementary school class?

    How many other politicians need a separate car, plane, or bus to transport their teleprompters around to all of the speechifying they engage in?

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