As the economy continues its downward spiral and hundreds of thousands join the ranks of the unemployed, Americans may rest easy knowing that our elected officials are hard at work on our behalf.
President Obama took time out from pushing his massive spending and tax increase package to announce his new focus on health care, accidentally ‘mischaracterizing’ the data, but making clear the government’s intention to start tackling this new ‘crisis’.
One of the government’s first acts was to close down a New York doctor who had the audacity to propose a private market solution by offering uninsured patients a $79 flat fee for medical services, focusing instead on the government’s innovative Healthy Penis campaign, recently launched in San Francisco. (It pays for staffers walk around in giant penis costumes to promote syphillis testing)
Despite the increasing number of crisis requiring his attention, Obama still managed to find the time to attend to foreign affairs. In the interest of world peace, he extended a hand to Russia, offering to consider scuttling America’s missile defense system if Russia would, uh, help us with Iran. Russia agreed to talk about disarming America. Period.
Meanwhile, politicians in Washington were successful in diverting attention from the roughly $2.5 trillion investors have lost since Obama took office by designating private citizen and talk show host, Rush Limbaugh, as enemy number one. The 2.2 million jobs lost in the last four months were also overlooked, as the orchestrated media frenzy examined the vital question: ‘Is Limbaugh the face of the GOP?’
Stoically, Obama remained silent as Hugo Chavez ordered the expropriation (theft) of an American owned company operating in Venezuela. He also refrained from comment on the news that an American citizen was beheaded in Mexico. Thankfully, Obama regained his voice to forcefully broadcast a new policy of pursuing international tax cheats. Who better to pursue tax cheats than… sorry, I digress.
Meanwhile, Obama’s new economic advisor took to the airwaves to reassure the nation that Obama has a team of really smart people working to fix the economic crisis. Why, she actually has a staff of 10 Ph.D. economists hard at work on it right now. Whew!
Obama followed up by unveiling a new emblem that will be displayed on all projects funded by the massive spending plan he just got enacted. (The vision of a dog peeing to mark his territory entered my mind, but that’s just me.)
Obama wisely ignored news of Iran’s new nuclear capability and focused instead on assuring the American people that, sadly, we are losing the war in Afghanistan. The solution, he opined, is reaching out to the moderate Taliban. As the hunt started for a ‘moderate Taliban’ Obama took the opportunity to denounce the news that his appointment as head of a U.S. intelligence council was identified as a member of the ‘Iran lobby.’ A big pshaw from The One set that right.
Our other elected officials also made sure America knew how hard they are toiling on the people’s behalf. Rep. Barney Frank announced that he will be pushing for prosecution of the people who caused the country’s financial meltdown. The fact that he himself was one of them didn’t seem to worry Barney. Or the media.
Senate Democrats, meanwhile, in a show of bipartisanship, held out a hand to Republicans, inviting them to join them in calling for a ‘truth commission’ to probe whether the Bush administration abused its power. No word yet on which Republicans have decided to be bipartisan.
Top dog Harry Reid exhibited his firm grasp of the people’s business by proposing that the federal government take over the power grid in the country so that it might string power lines all across the land. The fact that these power lines would be designated “special power lines to carry renewable energy” should allow the government to place them wherever they want, Reid suggested with a straight face.
Reid then hurried off to a closed door meeting with actor Brad Pitt, where Brad made an earnest case for nationalizing his “Make It Right New Orleans” campaign, in partnership with Congress. The media then gleefully highlighted Harry Reid’s first known instance of humor as he cracked wise with Brad Pitt before the cameras. What a funny guy!
After the media finished its gigglefest, they moved on to highlight the achievements of yet another public servant, Sen. Ted Kennedy, who was awarded an honorary knighthood by the Queen of England. He will now be referred to as Sir Kennedy. By everyone, I assume, except Mary Jo Kophecne who is otherwise engaged, spinning in her grave.
Speaking of the Queen, we are informed that she has agreed to meet privately with President Obama, despite the major disrespect shown by Obama to Britain’s Prime Minister last week. Apparently the Queen accepted Obama’s explanation that his rudeness was the result of him being ‘overwhelmed’ by the economic crisis. Besides, his aides say, he is very tired. Which doesn’t bode well for any 3AM moments, but I digress again.
One reason for Obama’s fatigue is being investigated by watchdog group Judicial Watch.
“Barack and Michelle Obama have been throwing taxpayer funded parties nearly every night with their ‘friends’ and supporters, with Michelle Obama even exhorting them not to ‘break’ White House property,” Klayman’s announcement said.
The media graciously overlooked Judicial Watch’s obvious racism by ignoring this issue, focusing instead on launching a new national campaign to help the Obama family name their new dog.
The media also did their part ‘for the people’ by playing down the threats of war by North Korea, news that Iran has crossed the technological nuclear threshold, the 15% increase in defense spending by China, the global meltdown and the spillover of the chaos of Mexican drug wars onto American soil. After all, they know ‘the people’ are much more interested in how Michelle Obama manages to keep her arms so buff and if she has set a new fashion trend by going sleeveless in winter. Inquiring minds want to know.
All is well with our elected officials, thank God. In the face of overwhelming and potentially catastrophic circumstances, our dedicated public servants toil bravely on, humbly accepting an ever greater share of responsibility over this nation and its people. I don’t know about you, but I’m sleeping much better these days, just knowing they’re looking out for me.
And tomorrow, instead of figuring out how to survive now that most of my money has disappeared, I’m going to the gym and work on my triceps – secure in the knowledge that Obama and the rest of our elected officials will take care of everything else.
Good grief! After this depressing report, I want buy a farm, grow my own food, stock up a lot of guns, and take a survivalist course.
Sure looks like all of this is deliberate (the economy is definitely) , but regretfully, most it is because Obama is clueless and over his head.
http://franklinslocke.blogspot.com/
..and let us not forget the Just For Men commerical – “What does a new President do when his grey starts to immediately show since he knows he is in over his head and has not a clue? Why use some Just For Men, of course!”
I agree Obama is clueless, but the guys pulling his strings aren’t. More and more I’m feeling that this crisis is exactly what they planned. No-one could do this intentionally. Hey, Obama has Accomplished in 50 days what the jihadists have been trying to do for 8 years. Is this a coincidence??
Obamaloons are to blame for the depressing state of the USA.
What happened in 2008 election is the same thing communists have been doing for most of the 20th century … nake idiot voters out of ignorant people by promising them lots of other people’s stuff. The problems begin when the free stuff runs out, like what is now happening in Venezuela.
It’s clear Acting President Obama doesn’t have a clue without his teleprompter buddy.
@ Nancy
It is hard to discuss this without going to down the “crazy” conspiracy road. I remember when a lot of money disappeared from peoples’ investment accounts. The system was hours from complete collapse. I remember a Congressman mentioning it and no one has ever explained what happened. Right after that, the dominos began to fall, Bear Sterns, AIG, Freddie and Fannie, etc. The election changed right there and Obama eventually wins. Soros or China could have done that, but that is crazy talk. What isn’t, is that every economic policy he has instituted is exactly what you DO NOT do right now. That is intentional to create a crisis. It is what radicals learned as the Cloward/Piven Strategy. Then, with every solution the government takes more and more control and becomes the Nanny State. Then, they create a voting block for a generation and amass serious political power. No coincidence. Sound intentional to me.
http://franklinslocke.blogspot.com/
Or Obama has fallen into the same trap other countries’ (Japan, China, U.K., etc.) leaders have succumbed to, namely trying to spend one’s way out of recession. Japan’s Lost Decade should have taught everybody what NOT to do, but nobody seems to recognize the lesson.
If the conspiracy theories are wrong, Obama and others might just be in panic mode, doing what governments do best: throwing money at the problem. However, I think it’s most likely that the politicians feel obligated to save their buddies first, nations be damned.
Jeff V
Ugh! It seems that every morning that I manage to get up in a decent mood, President Over-done changes it to near depression. 50 days of using the former president as a scapegoat so he can engineer this train wreck, everything is President Bush’s fault and so he has to do x, y and z. Such a child.
BTW, SOP in this WH is to have an enemy so we are now moving from Limbaugh to Eric Canter. And so it begins, exactly like it started with Rush. Such children.
http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0309/19817.html
Which brought to mind “toned armed” Michelle Obama, she’s working on her new big girl role. She’s all the way up to three goals.
1. Supporting working families and 2. military spouses, whose household income will be shrinking considerably due to her husband’s policies and 3. healthy living and eating which will consist of grass and rainwater due to the increase in cost due to her husband’s policies. We can always count on the NYTimes to contribute the saccharine.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/11/dining/11lady.html?th&emc=th