Update on the Oakland “Noose” Apocalypse

If you don’t know the Oakland “Noose” Story, please see my post on it yesterday. I won’t recap it. There are too many good jokes in that post. I don’t want you to miss them.

Now, truth be told, when I read this story, I never saw pictures of the “nooses.”

Despite having no actual confirmation, I confidentally represented that these “nooses” were in fact TRX-style suspension bands.

And I felt confident doing so for a simple reason:

Unlike Conservative, Inc., I’m smart enough and wise enough to know that the media always lies.

Always.

I found it highly suspicious that AP refused to run pictures of the “nooses.” The “nooses” that had “pipes of plastic” in them. (As all good “nooses” do, you know.)

I found that extraordinarily suspicious. When the media is trying to push a Racial Panic story on you, but they deliberately omit the most important details from their story, they’re doing that for a reason.

If they claim that vague “words” led to accusations of racism, and don’t specify the words in question: Bet your life savings that those words are innocuous and the media is withholding them from you because if they printed them the accusation would look ridiculous.

And if the AP tells me “nooses” were seen hanging in a park in Oakland, but then inexplicably refuses to show pictures of the “nooses,” bet your life savings that they look absolutely nothing like nooses.

Now, I didn’t see the pictures. I searched for them but could not find them. (The AP refused to link the social media posts that reported the “nooses.”)

But based on my knowledge of how the media operates, I could make a very, very well-founded guess as to what the AP was refusing to show me.

It also helps that unlike reporters and Democrats (but I repeat myself) and the various Gender Intersectionalist Hysterics that make up the modern left, I’ve actually worked out and been to gyms so I know what TRX suspension ropes are.

And I was pretty damn sure that the “nooses” that Oakland and the media were panicking over where in fact knockoff TRK suspension ropes.

They were. Below, finally, we have pictures of “nooses.”

Victor Sengbe of #Oakland says the nooses found in #LakeMerritt were not a symbol of hate. He says the nooses were used to attach a makeshift swing. “It’s unfortunate that a genuine gesture of just wanting to create a good time got misinterpreted.” @nbcbayarea pic.twitter.com/7vutrZYDHu

— Melissa Colorado (@melissacolorado) June 17, 2020

These were swings. This is absurd grandstanding from our Mayor. This is my personal photo from April 9th, 2020 when I first saw them in the park. pic.twitter.com/cSrUlGgV1f

— Joe LoCascio (@josephlocascio) June 18, 2020

Are you fucking kidding me?

The rope ends with a pair of two (2) hand-grips.

If this is a noose — for whom? A two-headed person with a flat throat?

Is this the LM tree/area you’re talking about? Community ppl put up ropes for hand swings during Covid for kids (since all the playgrounds were closed), then some person cut the swing part off in the last few weeks. pic.twitter.com/K07VFrjkfv

— Abe Pursell (@AbePursell) June 17, 2020

These are clearly not meant for necks, but for hands.

By the way, there was some light confusion about whether these were for “working out” or for “fun for the kids.” The White Supremacist who put them up (who is black, as if that matters) claimed they were for both purposes.

So, yeah, one of the pictures shows a kid swinging by one of the lines.

But I imagine that the main purpose of the ropes was so that this guy could get his pump on, given that California has closed all gyms.

The fact that a kid could swing from one is either a nice bonus or a nice excuse as to why this man dared to hang Bodyweight Exercise Nooses in a public park without permission.

The mayor, meanwhile, is still investigating this as a hate crime. She announced her intention to pursue it as a hate crime — and declared “intentions do not matter, the harm is real” — after the White Supremacist (black) admitted his guilt in this Racial Harm.

“Intentions don’t matter when it comes to terrorizing the public,” Schaaf said. “It is incumbent on all of us to know the actual history of racial violence, of terrorism, that a noose represents and that we as a city must remove these terrorizing symbols from the public view.”

That means the White Supremacist (who is black) who admitted to putting up these Bodyweight Exercise Nooses is actually on the hook for a hate crime prosecution.

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