Hide the children, stock up on canned goods and prepare for doom, DOOM we tell you as the midnight deadline has been passed and Harry Reid and the National Socialist Democrat Workers’ Party succeeds in shutting down the government to keep golden Cadillac healthcare plans for themselves and nobody else, taxing grandma and grandpa’s wheelchairs and pacemakers and funemploying millions of American workers because companies can’t afford to keep them anymore.
Cower in terror as the Apocalypse hits thanks to Ogabe’s misadministration’s willingness to compromise and negotiate with Syrian al-Qaeda and Iranian mullahs but NOT Republicans.
Pray for salvation as a terrified nation suffers under the terror reign of no transgender community committees, no extended hours at museums and various and sundry other insufferable indignities.
This is the end, dear friends, the END and we must all stand up at once alongside comrades Ogabe, Reid, McConnell, King, McCain and all of the other heroes who will not see any rest until they have made sure that every last single American has been forced on penalty of imprisonment to pay more for less care, whether they need it or not.
We mean, apart from the unimaginable terrors of having to make do with no more cowboy poetry festivals until this inhumane shutdown is stopped by a total surrender to our Beloved Dear Leader Ogabe and his wise reign, we also must face the inevitable horrors of the Republican party being punished by their voters for not being sufficiently mendacious on the campaign trail, for having committed the unpardonable sin of doing what they promised they would be doing when they were whoring for votes.
Because, if there is one thing we do know, it’s that the voters organizing the fundraisers, running the get out the vote efforts, distributing the fliers and handing over every dime they can afford to help their representatives get elected will not stand, will not STAND for their elected representatives keeping their promises.
If such a thing were to happen, as it seems to be the case right now, they’ll just stay home or even vote for the people who WILL confiscate their property, eliminate their rights and lie to them incessantly because that’s what voters want.
Just remember the horrible, horrible consequences of the Newt Gingrich (HISS! SPIT!) engineered shutdown in 1995. As no enlightened, pragmatic, focused solely on winning RINO hysteric will hesitate to tell you over and over again until you pray for the release of sweet death if only they’ll shut up, Newt’s horribly misguided, uncivil, unpragmatic, pointless political theater (that resulted in the GOP getting what they and their voters wanted, but let’s not talk about THAT!) back in ’95 caused a horrid, endless, devastating bloodbath for the GOP that would never wield meaningful power again.
Because of the, shudder, SHUDDER, SHUTDOWN! Republicans were vilified, ridiculed, hated and utterly destroyed, destroyedin subsequent elections and surely, surely you don’t want THAT to happen again?
Of course, His Imperial Majesty, not believing a single word coming out of a politician’s pie hole, much less a pearl-clutching hysteric like McCain’s, decided to look up the actual numbers. We mean, we’re not perfect, so our memory might be a bit off.