Posted by Skook on 19 November, 2011 at 12:35 am. 26 comments already!


Christopher Muffin is a 99%’er; well not quite, actually, he is a new member of the 99%, ever since his dad turned off the money. His dad is a 1%, who has way too much money and doesn’t want to share it anymore with Christopher. He just doesn’t understand, Christopher’s mission has been to find himself. Spending thirteen years at university is nothing, many holy men spend a lifetime searching for their inner being.

It’s a good thing the OWS movement started; otherwise, the university was wanting its tuition or blood money and his dad wasn’t going to foot the bill any longer. Man, that’s just bad karma for his dad.

He bought a tent, a sleeping bag and a bag of dope and in a few days he became a bona fide camper or occupier. Now he spends his days getting high and looking for chicks that need a hero. How good can it get?

The trouble started a few nights ago when a guy brought out this expensive bong and wanted to smoke some of Christopher’s dope. He had this really cute chick with him that was so hot, so it seemed like a good idea. She had a bottle of wine and after they got started smoking and drinking, Christopher decided it was time to impress the young chick with his knowledge of Marxism and his repertoire of revolutionary quotes.

He stood up to do his recitation, and in the middle of a Karl Marx quote, just as the 18 year old chick was becoming enthralled with his intellect, someone passed him a bottle of wine. He took a break to have a drink, tilted the bottle up and put his head back to drink, but lost his balance and fell over backwards onto a guy using the glass bong. The bong broke and the owner was all upset over his $250 bong.

Christopher had never worked, he had been wealthy all his life, material things don’t really have value to him. He shook his head, tried to focus his eyes and said to the owner of the bong while laughing, “It’s just a bong, man”.

That was the wrong thing to say. The guy flew into a rage and jumped on Christopher.

Fortunately, neither man was very dangerous in a rhubarb and the fight was more like professional wrestling than mixed martial arts. A policeman pulled the man off of Christopher and asked what was going on. The guy was complaining in the slurred speech of a drunk that Christopher was drunk and had broken his bong. The cop looked at the man in disbelief, while Christopher used a moment of lucidity to make his escape.

He drifted through the crowd and started to gather up his tent and sleeping bag when he noticed a big drunk urinating on his tent. After watching the desecration of his camping equipment, he decided to leave the camping equipment for a more desperate camper in need. Who knows it might serve as a double tax deduction that way. He bought it and then he donated it, that’s a double deduction. His father the Capitalist pig would be proud of his natural business skills.

He decided to drive to California and join one of their Occupy movements, just until the heat is off and the cops weren’t looking for him for breaking the dude’s bong. He used his credit cards, until he made it to Arizona and he started to have engine problems. He pulled into a garage and asked the mechanic to look at his Beamer.

It turned out to need a new or rebuilt engine. He told the mechanic, “no problem, just put it on the credit card”. The mechanic tried to run the numbers, but the card had been decommissioned. That was Chris’s dad the evil Capitalist, playing games with Chris’s life again. It was going to cost $3,000 for a used engine and he had thirty dollars cash. The situation wasn’t looking good. He told the mechanic, he needed a beer and to hold off on doing anything, until he figured out what to do.

After a couple of beers, he asked the bartender if he knew of any jobs. The barkeep said there was a rancher who needed men to feed and care for cattle at his feedlot. He volunteered to call him, if he really wanted to work. Christopher was desperate, “give him a call.”

An hour later, the rancher came into the bar and asked Christopher if he was the one looking for honest work.

Chris looked at the older man dressed in Western clothes and said he needed a job real bad, because his car was broke down.

The old rancher said, “Well come on out to the ranch and sober up. You can start tomorrow. I’ve got all the work you can handle.”

Chris looked at the hardened old man and said, “What does this ranch work pay?”

The rancher looked at him, “I’ll pay you what you are worth.”

Chris stood up, “Hell no! there’s no way I’m going to work for those kind of wages. What do you think the revolution is all about?”

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