Olga Photoshopova @ The People’s Cube:
As the historical re-election of Barack Obama has forever unshackled Democrat officials from any accountability, the People’s government can finally begin to eradicate all tragedies, bad accidents, and even pure bad luck by legislating them out of existence.
- Hurricane? Tax it!
- Mass shooting? Make self-defense illegal!
- Life not fair? Hand out some EBT cards!
- Can’t wait a year for Kindergarten? Give Universal Pre-K a try!
- Cruise ship break down? Create a federal board to penalize the corporation!
In addition to these advancements, we propose to introduce the Meteor Tax as a way to combat international meteors caused by American pollution, as well as an innovative source of government revenue.
Should a meteor crash onto your personal property, you will be subject to the Meteor Tax for failing to prevent it from happening, henceforth to be deposited into the Global Warming Tragedy™ fund.
If a similar Tragedy Tax existed during Hurricane Katrina, the entire catastrophe could have been prevented. The Bush administration criminally neglected to exercise this option because it hated minorities. However, with a well-meaning minority president in the White House, we have a unique opportunity to avert future tragedies by enacting the Meteor Tax.
Since meteors crashing into the United States are still rare because American-caused Global Warming has only existed since the early 1900s, we can increase the revenue by applying the Meteor Tax to any object that crashes in the U.S. or flies above it – such as shooting stars, comets, drones, UFOs, or hijacked airplanes. The opportunities are endless.
The Meteor Tax is also a job creation bonanza, as thousands of new IRS agents, astronomers, and even astrologers will be hired to handle the extra paperwork, telescopic observation, and meteor prediction.