Hillary’s Remorse Over The Stolen Watermelon

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Will Mark Twain’s irony of wit work for Hillary’s peccadilloes?

Samuel Clemens is America’s seminal author of the 20th Century; from his pen, the American author was defined. Armed with imagination and an orator’s wit, he is more well known and remembered by his pen name Mark Twain.

Ernest Hemingway said of Twain:

“All modern American literature comes from one book by Mark Twain called Huckleberry Finn. American writing comes from that. There was nothing before. There has been nothing as good since.”

Hopefully most readers have read some of Hemingway’s novels and Twain’s “Huckleberry Finn”; since, you will be better equipped to understand the efforts of Hilary’s staff to recreate the moral equivalency of Twain and stolen watermelons. If Hilary’s latest indiscretion can be reduced to the euphemism of a stolen watermelon, she may end up with an apology from the public. th

Mark Twain was not only a good writer, he was a great speaker as well; in fact, his ability as a speaker with a dry and sharp wit enabled him to overcome bankruptcy from a lifetime of bad investments. He conducted tours of the US and the world performing speaking engagements to sold-out crowds. The speeches were always modified to reflect the mood and composition of the audience. This speech on Practical Morality was given to the New Savage Club, in London.

“You do not learn practical morality at Sunday School,” he said. ” There they teach you to avoid temptation. That is theoretical morality. Now, I would teach you to familiarize yourself with crime, so that you will know what you must, not do. That is practical morality. I begin by teaching you how to steal.

“It is by the fires of experience that you are purified. By the commission of crime you learn real practical morality. Familiarize yourself with every crime. Take them in rotation. There are not more than two or three thousand. Stick to the task diligently. Commit two or three crimes every day, and by-and-bye, when you have done them all, you will be proof against the- temptation to. commit any one of them, morally perfect, vaccinated against all wickedness.

“I will tell you a story about the first time I stole a water-melon. That is, l think it was the first time. ‘Anyhow, it was right along there somewhere. I stole that melon out of a cart while the farmer was attending another customer. ‘Stole’ is a harsh term. I will modify it, and say that I withdrew the melon. I carried it to a secluded bower and broke it open — and it was green! It was the greenest watermelon that was raised in the valley that year. The minute , I saw that watermelon was green I was sorry. “I began to reflect. Now, ” reflection is the beginning of reform. If you don’t reflect when you have committed a crime — why, that crime is no use to you at all. I said to myself, What ought a, boy to do who has stolen a green water-melon?

What would George Washington do? George Washington, father of his country, couldn’t tell a lie. He was the only American who couldn’t. What would he do? Why, there was only one right and high and noble thing for a boy to do who had stolen a watermelon of that character. He must make restitution. He must restore the melon to its rightful owner.

“And I said, ‘I will do it !’ The moment I made that good resolution I felt the noble exaltation that comes after you have done wrong and. you determine to do right. I rose up spiritually strengthened and refreshed, and I carried that water-melon back — what was left of it— I restored it to the farmer, and — made him give me a ripe one instead.

“It is this constant impact of ‘crime upon crime, this stacking up of iniquity after iniquity, and thus protecting yourself against the commission of those crimes in the future — it is this which builds up your moral edifice, and completes it. You cannot become morally perfect by stealing one water-melon, nor by stealing a thousand. It has been tried. But every little helps.”

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Now, it is fairly obvious that Hilary is not erudite nor does she have anything similar to the wit of Twain. She is a boor, but she is a survivor, and survivors know to hire intelligent people. Why read when you can hire people who have spent the hours necessary to be erudite? Someone on her staff is clever enough to realize the advantage of admitting a slight indiscretion and creating an aura of innocence through morale equivalence. Bill Clinton employs the same technique:

Bill Clinton: I believe we have done a lot more good than harm.

“We do get money from other countries and some of them are in the Middle East,” he said. “For example, the U.A.E. gave us money. Do we agree with everything they do? No, but they are helping us fight ISIS, and they built a great university with NYU.” Similarly, he said, “Do I agree with all the foreign policy of Saudi Arabia? No.” But he said that country is making advances in education for women and girls.

He said the money will be used for an endowment to provide for the foundation’s future support. “The money that we raise for next couple years for an endowment so all these programs will run forever even when I get to the point when I can’t raise the money every year,” he said. Some of it, he added, is from “people who have helped us before.”

Of course, using Bill’s moral equivalency or by referring to Machiavelli’s Prince, doing enough good in the world can justify almost any level of evil or corruption as long as it is outweighed by good deeds. Despots and homicidal maniacs like Stalin used the same moral justification.

Mark Twain had no favorites in politics or anywhere else, he eviscerated them all for being low life scum, but he also knew how to defuse a situation.

On Saturday, August 3, Twain arrived in Helena for an appearance at the Ming’s Opera House. The event attracted the rich and famous and powerful of the state and they all attended a reception afterwards at the opulent Montana Club. Once again, Twain’s Western past jumped up and bit him from behind. As the state’s political and financial elite proposed a toast to the guest of honor, suddenly one diner rose to object: “Hold on a minute; before we can go further I want to say to you, Sam Clemens, that you did me a damned dirty trick over there in Silver City and I’ve come here to have a settlement with you.”

After an awkward silence, Twain spoke, “Let’s see, That was before I reformed, wasn’t it?” Senator Sanders used the opportunity to defuse the situation by suggesting that as Twain’s challenger had not reformed, all should forgive him for his outburst and drink together, which everyone did.

Despite Hillary’s years in Arkansas, she can’t quite spin the homespun country ethos played so well by Bill, but you can’t fault her for trying.

“Looking back, it would have been probably smarter to have used two devices but I have absolute confidence that everything that could be in any way connected to work is now in possession of the State Department.”

Although Twain laid out the template, being able to use it effectively requires certain qualities. Bill was effective with the technique, but Hilary is having a hard time with the watermelon story.

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A professional horseman for over 40 years, Skook continues to work with horses. He is in an ongoing educational program, learning life's lessons from one of the world's greatest instructors, the horse. Skook has finished an historical novel that traces a mitochondrial line of DNA from 50,000 years ago to the present. The book Fifty-Thousand Years is awaiting me to finish a final proofread and it should be sent to the formatter in a matter of days. I am still working, so it is not easy to devote the time I need to finish the project. The cover is a beautiful wok of art. I would put it up here if I could figure out how to make it work.

24 Responses to “Hillary’s Remorse Over The Stolen Watermelon”

  1. 1

    old guy

    I have always enjoyed Mark Twain and at points in my life have read all of his books. The quotes you cite are perfect. As to Hillary, she needs to go away. She can’t possibly keep lying and get away with it. Are the people that defend her that stupid?

  2. 2

    Skook

    author

    I@old guy: I spent my boyhood day-dreaming about Tom and Huckleberry and I dreamed of being a writer like Mark Twain. Unfortunately, life only gives a few of us minds like Twain’s and now, I look back and I can just be grateful for the opportunity to share in the humor of a great mind. It is the power of reading that offers us the opportunity to walk beside such men for a few hours. I am glad to hear that you enjoyed Twain, it gives me faith in my cyber friends.

  3. 3

    David Farrar

    I always liked this observation made by Twain; I think. If he didn’t, it certainly sounds like he could’ve: “If voting meant something, they wouldn’t let us do it.”

  4. 5

    Axel Hansen

    When I was in grade school I couldn’t read. In high school It was just as bad. I managed to graduate from college, but just barely. When I was in the military I sustained a traumatic blow to the head. After returning to the states, I couldn’t believe that all of a sudden my ability to read and retain what I read was suddenly a part of me. I read every book I could get my hands on, including old text books. Many of the classics and all of Mark Twain. He is by far my most favorite author of any that I’ve ever read. What a remarkable story teller.
    How much I wish we had a person of his caliber to explain in the simplest of terms the morass our country is currently experiencing. What a treat it would be to hear his reaction to Hillary and Obama.

  5. 6

    Skook

    author

    @Axel Hansen: What a fascinating story. Learning to read was a long time coming for me as well. I was ten years old before I could read even one word. My first book was Tom Sawyer and my second was Tale of Two Cities; after that I was on my way. Everyone assumed I would be illiterate, but I was lucky to have many well read friends. Most of them had no formal education, but they had vast libraries and could debate any of the professors I studied under in college. http://skooksjournal.com/?p=612

    Thank you for sharing your story and yes, I wish we had a modern day Twain as well. Obama’s lilting sentences and whistling “S’s” and the droning on about Wealth Redistribution won’t be replayed among the world’s favorite speeches. http://skooksjournal.com/?p=227

  6. 7

    David Farrar

    What the title of the “book”, by Twain, about a young boy going off to war (Civil War)…where they formed a small local militia of some sort, spending plenty of time marching and drilling and managed at the very end to ambush this one solitary rider along the road and killed him….although the boy didn’t actually fire a shot, as I recall, the effect hit him to the very marrow of his bones and he was never the same afterward…he was considered the town “crazy” for the next 10 years or so, until he overheard a group of young men talking about going off to war, whereupon he came out of his shell and give the most passionate anti-war speech ever?

  7. 9

    Redteam

    @Axel Hansen:

    How much I wish we had a person of his caliber to explain in the simplest of terms

    Dennis Miller seems to have that kind of wit. I’m not comparing the two, but Dennis seems to have an unusual ability to see the humor in everything, especially political.

  8. 10

    rich wheeler

    @Redteam: I like Dennis Miller but he’s no Mark Twain
    BTW Current Vegas odds to win Prez.
    HRC 3-2
    Bush 5-1
    Walker 10-1
    Rubio 12-1
    Paul 20-1
    Warren 20-1
    Carson 40-1
    Cruz 50-1
    Kasich, Perry and Jim Webb 75-1
    Palin 200-1
    Bachmann 400-1

  9. 11

    Skook

    author

    @rich wheeler: Rich, I lost my interest in gambling after spending so many years on the racetracks and knowing too many professional gamblers and addicted gamblers; however, the odds makers in Vegas aren’t kidding around with these odds, since millions will be bet and fortunes are at stake. I am surprised to see 3/2 on HRC and 20 to 1 on Warren. These guys believe in the Clinton mystique far more than I do. The Warren odds are surely 20 to 1 because of her refusal to consider running. I thought she is keeping herself in a holding pattern so as not to alienate the HRC campaign in case it folds and she is asked and receives the Clintonista Loyalists.

    I might be inclined to bet on Walker at 10 to one, but Paul and Cruz are worth hedging that bet with long shot money. Interesting, Paul and Warren are both at 20 to 1 and Warren isn’t running. This is the time to get your long shot money down, because favorites usually drop and long shots improve their position.

  10. 12

    Redteam

    @rich wheeler:

    I like Dennis Miller but he’s no Mark Twain

    Oh, didn’t realize you were friends with Mark.

    BTW Current Vegas odds to win Prez.

    Does Vegas get a vote? All this coming out about Hill, she may be a bigger traitor to the country than Obama. Tossup.
    I’d put her odds at infinity to 1. (against)

  11. 13

    rich wheeler

    @Skook: I like Webb at 75-1. I’ve volunteered to work for him and if things look real bad for HRC I think he’ll get in the race.
    On Repub. side I might take Kasich at 75-1

    RT Didn’t know you were friends with Dennis..

  12. 14

    Redteam

    @rich wheeler:

    RT Didn’t know you were friends with Dennis..

    see!

    I like Webb at 75-1. I’ve volunteered to work for him

    Webb could help his odds a lot if he can just get all his x wives to vote for him. He’ll have to have a staff member in charge of ‘former wives’. Think he would make a better leader of the country than he did as head of household?

    Skook, Wheeler is terrible at picking winners. He and I are about 50% at best. So if he picks someone, it’s not likely.

  13. 15

    rich wheeler

    @Redteam: 50/50 in your dreams RT.lol Think all would agree you have the most vivid dreams of anyone here at. F.A.
    Webb is 75-1, a true longshot, as he should be. He’s a Conservative killer, having beaten squeaky clean George Allen Jr. I know, it was that damn lamestream media.

    Skooks Semper Fi Marine Keep up the great work!.

  14. 16

    Redteam

    @rich wheeler:

    squeaky clean George Allen Jr.

    macaca beat George Allen, Webb couldn’t even win over all his wives.
    I’m generally a little over 50% on NCAA football. About 90% on MLB. Terrible (about as bad as you) on politics. We were both off by 2 on the Senate and I didn’t even pick on House. Everyone lost on the presidental race.

  15. 17

    rich wheeler

    @Redteam: You are well under 50% on NCAA football including picking LSU in their loss to Notre Dame. Well under 50% in baseball including picking K.C. to beat S.F in World Series.
    Well under 50% in politics unless you picked Obama to win.
    You wanna lose again by picking Walker to win Presidency? Maybe you shouldn’t jinx him.lol

    Webb probably did better with his wives than Reagan did with his kids.

  16. 18

    Redteam

    @rich wheeler:

    You are well under 50% on NCAA football including picking LSU in their loss to Notre Dame.

    That was only one loss. Just because it was ND doesn’t make it count more than one. Whatever my % was, it was at least as good as yours. So claim whatever % you want and add 10% on to yours to get my approx %. Ah, but the season before, I picked Red Sox in every series and got them all, you didn’t get even one series correct in 13. I picked every series right in 14, except only missed complete sweep by one game.

    Well under 50% in politics unless you picked Obama to win.

    you’re trying to make it up as you go along. I only picked one thing in politics this year and that was 56 Senate seats. missed by 2. you picked 52, missed by 2, so how the hell do you claim to be the big winner? I didn’t pick anyone in the presidential race, they didn’t have one. We all lost with Obama, no matter how anyone picked. He’s a total loser for the country.
    I’m not picking in the presidental election this year. There’s not one.

    Webb probably did better with his wives than Reagan did with his kids.

    What, Reagan disowned his kids? Was that more or less than the number of wives WebbWho had? Tell me more about that.

    You ever wonder if a man that can’t manage being married can manage a country?

  17. 19

    Skook

    Rich: You need to be more careful; when dealing with real gamblers, they will assume like me, you are offering all three at 75 to 1. However, I didn’t even suggest it was a good long shot bet with all three at 75 to one. In gambling circles, it would be called a sucker bet.

  18. 20

    rich wheeler

    @rich wheeler: My thought is maybe pols who have been both Dem and Repub like Reagan and Webb have a better chance of actually accomplishing some bi-partisan leadership which is what a large percentage of the citizenry is looking for.
    Have you seen the video of Reagan vociferously praising Webb? You will if he gets the nom.

    Skooks–Thanks Each are 75-1–Funny money. Lets look again in 90 days–expect change

    BTW You,Word,Aqua,Mata and Aye are a “field” bet at 1000-1

  19. 21

    Skook

    Rich, if you lay your money down at 20 to 1 and your choice gets nominated, it’s no longer a 12 horse race; it’s a match race between two horses and it is unlikely you could still get 20 to 1, six or four to one would probably be a good gamble on a former 20 to 1. The 20 to one must survive the selection process or you can use your ticket for wall paper. I’m sure Joe Tote can give you a better synopsis on the lines, but the odds will drop as the field narrows. Yep, I remember a little bit of the gambling game.

  20. 23

    rich wheeler

    @Skook: I’ve been gambling all my life starting with the stock market as a Merrill lynch broker in 197O. Only difference between stock brokers and the pony touts were the fancy suits.
    Red Team is one of those guys who lives in a fantasy world of black and white, right and wrong. Wants to return to the past and is slow to change or adjust to reality. HE’S A HOOT.
    Semper Fi.

  21. 24

    Redteam

    @rich wheeler:

    Red Team is one of those guys who lives in a fantasy world of black and white, right and wrong. Wants to return to the past and is slow to change or adjust to reality. HE’S A HOOT.

    fantasy world? yep and part of that fantasy world includes TinkerBell (known to most as Rich) Rich imagines himself to be a master manipulator. I wouldn’t describe him as a Hoot.

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