Like a bad case of skin rash, the self appointed arbiters of morality and justice in the media are continuing their crusade for a cause that is deep and meaningful to them that 99% of the country doesn’t care about. I am of course, referring to the campaign to force the Washington Redskins to change their name. Yes, I know that this is the third time this year I’ve written on this subject, and while there are more important issues out there some new “outrage” keeps popping up that turns this topic into the inspirational gift that keeps on giving.
Initially I wrote used this issue to show how sports writers weren’t looking outside of their own groupthink mentality in discussing this topic, and a few weeks back I pointed out the hypocrisy and real motivation behind this outrage, and just when I think I’m done with this topic some fool pulls me back in. Last week’s Redskins/Vikings game had protesters outside of the Vikings’ stadium throwing out nuggets of wisdom like this:
“And yet it conveys the murdered scalps of indigenous people — men, women and children.”
Thankfully I was not enjoying a beer when I read that or I might have been annoyed at spitting my beer on my computer screen from laughing at this kind of stupidity. If the reporter on the scene would have wanted to have some fun, the obvious follow up question would be, “Um, what exactly do you think that Vikings did?” This of course could have been the birth of a crusade against another offensive team name, and then I started thinking, “What if every team name is offensive to somebody on the left?” And I reached the sobering conclusion that this is actually the case and every team mascot needs to be changed. Here is my team by team analysis by division and conference. Since I bleed Eagle green, we’ll start with the…
Dallas Cowboys – This name is associated with the white invaders that drove away those wonderful, peaceful indigenous native Americans off of their land.
New York Giants – Giants can stigmatize smaller people and encourage bullying.
Philadelphia Eagles – Using an endangered species as a mascot could convey a notion of power and allow them to be hunted to extinction. Not to mention that the Eagle is a symbol of our country and what was once American Exceptionalism, and could offend foreigners.
Washington Redskins Various versions of this joke have made the rounds online – the best one I saw appears courtesy of glossynews.com:
WASHINGTON — In response to a recent outcry surrounding the Washington Redskins’ controversial name, which critics argue is highly inappropriate in this day and age, Owner Daniel Snyder has announced that he will change the name to the less-offensive “Virginia-Adjacent Redskins.”
According to Snyder, “I was reluctant to change it at first for the simple fact that it would marginally dig into my billion-plus dollar net worth. But, after seeing how much mental anguish it causes so many people even just to hear the ‘W-word,’ it just seemed like the right thing to do.”
Added Snyder, “The name once represented the proud heritage of an entire people; a distinguished culture responsible for building the foundation of our great nation. But at this point, I think we can all agree that the term ‘Washington’ is a pretty messed up thing to say to someone.”
“I’m just glad I didn’t have to move the team to fix this problem,” concluded Snyder. “Believe it or not, before we came up with this solution, we were looking into becoming either the “Oregon Trail of Tears’ or the ‘South Dakota Smallpox Blankets.’ I’m glad it didn’t come to that, but it just goes to show how committed we are to ensuring that we don’t offend people [who buy tickets].”
Chicago Bears – The bear’s natural tendency to eat heavily before hibernation could encourage overeating and could undermine the First Lady’s healthy eating initiatives in Chicago and elsewhere.
Detroit Lions – The ancient Romans used to use lions to devour Christians in the arenas and – oh, wait a minute. We have a group responsible for slaughtering Christians? Never mind, nothing to see here – wouldn’t want anyone to accuse us of being Lionophobic. Good news Detroit! You may have let your city fall to ruin under leftist rule but you get to keep your mascot!
Green Bay Packers – The Packers, along with the “Cheese head” nickname that their fans use promote artery clogging cheese consumption over a healthy, vegan lifestyle.
Minnesota Vikings – Pillage? Plunder? Rape? Kill? Sorry guys, but this behavior is unacceptable! Unless of course, it’s done by the DEA, DHS, NSA, IRS, or some other US government agency, at which point the radical left will actually approve of these activities as long as there is a leftist in the White House.
Atlanta Falcons – Falconry was a sport of the aristocracy, and such a mascot will only marginalize the 99 percenters that showed their love for public land by destroying a number of public parks a few years ago.
Carolina Panthers – Playing their first season in 1995, the Panthers followed that decade’s unfortunate trend of using the marketably correct combination of teal and black for merchandising purposes, and such unabashed corporatism can not be tolerated.
New Orleans Saints – Let me get this straight – a team named after religious figures is playing in a public stadium? Where is the ACLU when we need them?
Tampa Bay Buccaneers – First off, there’s no such thing as a “City” of Tampa Bay. I was lucky enough to call this colorful area home for a few years back in the 90s, and my first surprise was that Tampa Bay is an actual… bay. The sports teams that surround Tampa Bay refer to themselves belonging to the area of Tampa, Saint Petersburg (where the Devil Rays play), and Clearwater.
Did you know that this city’s answer to Mardi Gras is something called Gasparilla in honor of the old time pirate Jose Gaspar, also known as “The Last of the Buccaneers”? That’s right, this team is named to honor a man who once plundered, raped, and robbed his way up and down the western coast of Florida. Since there’s nobody who can be sued for reparations banning the name will be enough.
Arizona Cardinals – Even though their mascots are cleary brightly feathered red birds, Cardinal is also the rank just below the Pope in the Catholic church. Even if there’s not a direct link we can’t risk violalating separation of church and state when they play in public stadiums.
Saint Louis Rams – The act of ramming somebody could be seen as threatening, and expressing it through an animal only objectifies the animal and could lead to cruelty to animals. OK, so that one was weak. Hey, you try coming up with 32 different ways to be offended! This would be a lot easier if I were a leftist…
San Francisco 49ers – Named after the 49ers from the California gold rush this name glorifies not only greedy capitalism but also the notion of exploiting our fragile environment to harvest its minerals.
Seattle Seahawks – I’ve got nothing for this one too. But since Seattle is home to the hated corporation known as Microsoft we’ll just force the team to use only phones, tablets and computers powered by Windows 8 until the organization implodes.
Buffalo Bills – Ah, back to the rich material! A team that glorifies “Buffalo Bill” Cody, the man who slaughtered countless bison? Bring in PETA!
Miami Dolphins – Glorifying animals that so many Seaquariums keep as trained pets to perform tricks for crowds? We can’t celebrate this kind of animal abuse.
New England Patriots – Forget that the logo that they’ve put on their helmets for the last 20 years (Has it really been that long?!?) looks like John Kerry. Do we honestly have a logo that features a white man in a tricorn hat professing love for this country? Remember, there are five A’s in RAAAAACIST!
New York Jets – A team named after evil devices that spew unacceptable levels of carbon pollution into the air? Pure evil. Unless of course, they’re used to ferry international climate bureaucrats or Al Gore between international climate conferences to tell the rest of us to reduce our carbon footprint.
Baltimore Ravens – A team mascot based on a poem by a master of horror, and the team’s main color is purple? Clearly homophobic.
Cincinnati Bengals – Depicting a fierce tiger could put a violent connotation to immigrants from India, Malaysia, or any other nations bordering the Bay of Bengal.
Besides, isn’t it enough time for the Queen City to acknowledge it’s dark past and commemorate the Pinedale Shopping Center massacre and rename it’s team the Turkeys? Or at least the Silver Sows…
Cleveland Browns – Seriously? Why not just call them the Whites or the Blacks while we’re at it?
Pittsburgh Steelers – This suggests glorifying energy intensive, carbon spewing industry. Perhaps they could specify that their steel would only used to make windmills, solar panels, or whatever else is on the left’s very short list of acceptable private sector activity.
Indianapolis Colts – Even though the mascot refers to horse, the name “Colt” has too many negative connotations, namely the Colt .45 pistol and the malt liquor of the same name. Even though Lando Calrissian once told me that “It works every time.”
Houston Texans – Texans? Seriously? What other team uses its own state name as a mascot? Such state pride invokes thoughts of secessionism, and of course, racism.
Jacksonville Jaguars – Given that this franchise has bad ownership, bad coaching, bad players, and the ugliest NFL stadium this author ever set foot in (Hey, at least Veterans’ Stadium had character!) this team mascot doesn’t even warrant a reason to be offensive – their existence is enough.
Tennessee Titans – Although they started out playing in Memphis the team eventually moved to Nashville. Being afraid to play in the city where Martin Luther King was shot is a clear sign of racism. How that relates to the mascot I don’t know but I’m drawing a blank here too.
Denver Broncos – Exploitation of animals that were used to commit the genocide of the western expansion?
Kansas City Chiefs – Chiefs? Let’s forget the offensive Native American Indian reference, but to glorify its one percenter patriarcy? Can’t have that!
Oakland Raiders – Raiders? Pirates? Swords on the helmet? This one is too easy for its promotion of violence. Of course, nothing about this team is as scary as its fans.
San Diego Chargers – The lightning bolts on their uniforms promote consumption of energy, a selfish act of greenhouse gas spewing that will be unacceptable in the emerging post-prosperity economy.
Did any of these seem so outrageous that even a leftist couldn’t find them offensive? Don’t bet on it. Even though leftism claims to be about comparison and caring, in reality almost all of their positions are founded in some form of resentment toward others. Show me a belief or institution and I’ll show a you a reason that leftists can hate it.
So when will this silliness go away? Never, as long as their are professional grievance mongers in the world along with the self-righteous leftist sports journalists to give these nimrods free publicity.
So when will my blog posts on this stupid topic go away? As soon as the professional left stops displaying the kind of stupidity that inspires these easy to write posts. In other words don’t hold your breath…
Although this post is a lighter, snarky one, the leftist thought police imposing their will and their own hypocrisy is a serious matter. I can’t remember the who to attribute this idea to, but one writer summed up “A big problem I have with all of the sportswriters on this issue is their accusing us of “How dare you not be deeply offended by something I didn’t care about ten minutes ago?!?”
I’ll leave you with one of my favorite folks to follow on Twitter, @Will_Antonin had some good points to raise on this subject:
"Redskins" is offensive & demeaning. ~ commentators who gratuitously use — or at least don't bat an eye at — the term "teabaggers."
— Will Antonin (@Will_Antonin) October 24, 2013
Someone ask Bob Costas if it was offensive for Elizabeth Warren to pretend she was Native American; watch him get markedly less preachy.
— Will Antonin (@Will_Antonin) October 14, 2013
Cross posted from Brother Bob’s Blog