Thanksgiving Day Funnies

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“No one knows what David Petraeus will do next. All I know is he’s in for one awkward Thanksgiving.” –Craig Ferguson

“Another big storm could hit the Northeast by Wednesday, preventing millions from visiting relatives for Thanksgivin

g. But there’s also a downside.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Today, President Obama pardoned the Thanksgiving turkey. The turkey then turned right around and pardoned the president for the bad economy.” -Jay Leno


If you’re a turkey right now and still alive, stay out of the kitchen, don’t answer the door, and don’t accept rides from strangers.

PETA says turkeys are being bred to have such large breasts that some are dying of heart attacks. The Real Housewives of Orange County were shocked to hear you can die from that.

In Sheboygan, Wisconsin, a turkey knocked out electrical power to 1500 homes when it flew into a power line. Jay wonders if the turkey was on a suicide mission to help save his friends.

Leno has a Thanksgiving cooking tip. Baste your turkey with Red Bull. This will make your relatives that are visiting eat faster and leave sooner.

There are two Thanksgiving tables at Arnold Schwarzenegger’s house – one for the kids he admits to and ones where they are still waiting for the paternity results.

extracted from Jay Leno monologue November 21, 2012

Happy Thanksgiving!

10 Responses to “Thanksgiving Day Funnies”

  1. 5


    that was very good and well done as always,
    how can the turkeys vote after their heads are chopped off,
    well it’s because they vote with theirazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz,
    ops I said a bad word again,
    happy thanksgiving to you and loved one,

  2. 6


    Whereas it is the duty of all Nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey his will, to be grateful for his benefits, adn humbly implore his protection and favor — and whereas both Houses of Congress have by their joint Committee requrested me to recomment to the People of the Unitesd States a day of public thanksgiving and prayer to be observed by acknowledging with greatful hearts the many signal favors of Almighty God especially by affording them an opportunity peaceably to establish a form of government for their safety and happiness.

    And so begins George Washington’s Declaration for a national day of thanksgiving and prayer. Let us not forget the true purpose of this day as it was set aside to thank Almighty God for the blessings we enjoy as Americans.

    Can we safely assume that our resident atheists worked today since they don’t think this day has a purpose?

    Here’s hoping that all enjoyed a day of prayer and thanksgiving for the many blessings bestowed on us by the Almighty God.

  3. 7


    I think the ATHEISTS are picking up wind strength , by associating to MUSLIMS LIVING IN AMERICA,
    that was very well done speech of GEORGE WASHINGTON DECLARATION OF THANKSGIVING DAY,
    thank you for it

  4. 8


    those headless turkeys, made me remember at my neighbor they where slaughtering their chickens as big as young turkey,
    and one of them running straight at me with his head cut off,
    quite an experience, he did not think he was dying,
    he could not think period, and I couldn’t think which way to run either
    that’s a bloody joke but it really happened

  5. 9

    Richard Wheeler

    Bees When I was about 6 my grand dad beheaded a Thanksgiving turkey that knocked me over a rock. The family laughed about that the next 40

    Notre Dame is Back 12-0 #1

  6. 10


    Richard Wheeler
    at 6years you must have had nightmares, about it,
    AT 7 me was pursuit by a rooster, I was playing with a 4 year old cousin,
    I grabbed him in my arms he was crying terrified, and ran as fast as I could,
    and the rooster was faster and got me on my leg enough to bleed from his beak planted there,
    finally my uncle grab him and he bleed him with a sharp knife insert in his throat, until the blood ended,
    that stayed with me for many years,
    my neighbor sons just cut their head with an axe and turn them lose on the ground,
    is it more humane? it look eazier for the butcher, but once you eat it cooked
    it bring back those memories and the taste is not the same, it take your appetite a tad,

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