Skook’s Advice And Help For Dictators And Assorted Miscreants

I just nailed up my shingle for my new business when I received a call from my first customer. His credit rating wasn’t up to snuff, but after a sizable advance through a bank transfer, we got down to serious business. I started the ball rolling by asking, “Well Moamar, do you mind if I call you Mo?”

He replied, “No, not at all. May I call you, Dr Skook?”

“Yes, under the circumstances, I think that would be appropriate. Now, what can I do for you today, Mo?”

“Well, I have a small problem and it is complicated, so bear with me, Dr Skook.”

“Take all the time you need, I want you to feel relaxed; besides, you are paying by the minute.”

“Thank you Dr Skook, you are very gracious. Surprisingly, there really aren’t many advisers for dictators and miscreants; seems like there would be a lot of work for guys like you with all the unrest caused by the internet and Facebook.”

“You are right on the money there Mo, I’ve been working steady since I opened up for business. Now, what’s troubling you today?”

“Perhaps you have heard, we are having disturbances here in my country.”

“Yes, it has been on the news. Are you upset or worried about the civil unrest?”

“Praise be to Allah, no not at all; it’s just that it bothers me that some of my people don’t love me, me their benevolent dictator who cares for them and protects them.”

“I think that is an endemic attitude among people who are controlled or protected by dictators, especially in the Middle East.”

“It is Western influences, they see life in the West and they become irritable like children and they forget that I am caring for them and protecting them. The internet, TV, and cell phones are changing the world and corrupting my people.”

“Mo, when you say, “my people”, do you mean that they are like an extended family or do you mean that you own them and everything they produce.”

“Dr Skook, they are my children; when children misbehave, they must be punished.”

“Mo, many people in the world consider bombing with jets an extreme form of punishment for your children.”

“Whose side are you on, Dr Skook?”

“I am here to help you. Like most dictators, you have probably surrounded yourself with ‘yes men’, who patronize your every whim and reenforce your feelings of Narcissism and vainglorious visions you have of yourself. I can’t help you, unless we are honest and straight forward with each other. So if you want to get mad, raise your voice and throw a temper tantrum, our relationship is over.”

“Oh no, Dr Skook!, I realize you are not one of my useless sycophants that flock to me like flies to camel dung. Speaking of flies on camel dung, I feel I am facing many of the same problems that plague our Muslim Brother in the White House.”

“Mo, I think you had better explain that last sentence.”

“Of course, you know that I love the animals of Africa and I have my own zoo of exotic animals.”

“I had no idea.”

“Yes, I love the animals, but right now, I feel empathy for the gopottamus and I think President Obama feels the same pressures.”

“A gopotamus, I don’t think I have ever heard of a gopotamus.”

“That’s because it is in the Gadahfi Fictional Zoo, it is a very rare animal in Africa, but soon the Gadahfi Fictional Zoo will be exposed to the world.”

“I see, exactly what does this animal have to do with your particular problem?”

“The gorilla in me wants to “go” away and the hippopotamus wants to hide like I am under water and ignore the problems. I know President Obama has the same feelings and at times he doesn’t know whether to go on vacation or just hide in the White House and hope the situation gets better.”

“Mo, do you think the problems will get better if you ignore them?”

“It’s working for my son in America; he’s not really my son, he’s my step son. The first Muslim-proxy the world has ever had in the White House.”

“Mo, ignoring your problems, doesn’t make them go away; eventually, they come to haunt you and often they become worse in the interim,”

“What if there are no clear solutions?”

“Maybe you should think about the go-rilla in your zoo and just “Go”. Let someone else deal with the problems. Maybe the problems are more complex than you are equipped to deal with; the world has changed in the last forty one years, you must admit the world is considerably different than when you took over control of Libya.”

“Yes, it has changed, but my son in America still has control and he doesn’t seem to have any answers either.”

“The standard of living is much higher in the US and the people can change leadership every four years or eight years at max. There are no more calls to let Obama serve more than eight years; actually, his chances for reelection seem to grow fainter with the passage of time.”

“You Amercans have strange concepts regarding benevolent dictators.”

“Perhaps they just seem different to you Mo. In the US, if the cost of living goes up and the economy is in a recession, the president assumes responsibility. The people often get rid of that type of leader after four years and sometimes even sooner.”

“I’ll never understand these concepts of Democracy: I mean why do you need them when you have great leaders like me and my son.”

“People like to have a voice Mo: they want their leaders to listen to them. I think you have angered the people of Libya by leaving them in poverty while you live the life of a prince, in royal splendor and luxury.”

“It has always been that way, at least before the internet.”

“That may be the main difference between now and the twentieth century: people are more aware and they don’t necessarily listen to state run media outlets and other forms of propaganda like they once did.”

“So you think the people are unhappy with a benevolent dictator always looking out for their every need?”

“Those days are over Mo; even in the states, the state directed media outlets were trusted for decades; at least, until a portion of Americans began to do their own research and communicated with each other, just as they are doing in Libya.”

“Where do you suggest benevolent dictators go to retire?”

“One of the safest places for dictators and maybe the only place that will accept almost anyone from dictators to pathological tyrants is Venezuela. If you pay Chavez enough, I am sure he will welcome you with open arms: he is also a great admirer of Obama, who may wish to settle down there also at some point in the future.”

“That’s a nice thought.”

“Mo, do you have hipporillas in your zoo?”

“No, they are very rare, but we have many bewilderphants.”

“I have never heard of a bewilderphant.”

“Oh they are part wildebeest and part elephant; Obama and I engineered this one, it is a Republican who travels in a herd and makes a lot of noise. They are becoming popular and gaining momentum in the US, according to Obama. He worries that they may over run Washington DC. The older ones are timid and easy to subdue, but it seems the younger ones don’t respect the power brokers and the status quo. They talk of cleaning up corruption, reforming campaign financing, ending ear marks, and straightening out the lobby situation, they should be considered dangerous, only because they haven’t participated in the graft and know so little about greed and power, the most important influencing factors for attracting great men into politics and positions of leadership.”

“Your time is almost up Mo, maybe you should check in every few days until you have resolution; dithering, is being looked upon as a weakness by many people of the world, just so you know.”

“Well thanks, Dr Skook, that is indeed another consideration, but for the time being, I will hide for a while longer; until, I come up with an answer or something develops in my favor.”

“That’s your decision there Mo; check in anytime you need advice or someone to talk with, bye now, we’ll see you in the funny papers.”

“Doctor Skook, you make me laugh, maybe I can hire you full time.”

“It is better if you call when ever you need help Mo, catch you on the flip side.”

Click….

Ring… Ring…

“Hello.”

“Hello, Dr Skook, this is the president of the United States, Barack Obama.”

“Hi there Barack, what’s happening in the White House? Excuse me, if you have a credit card with an unspent balance, can you read me the numbers.”

Epilogue: This story is fiction, written to be read as sarcastic humor. Any resemblance to real people is intentional and meant to portray corruption and personality disorders as accurately as possible within the parameters of amateur psychoanalysis. If you fail to see any humor in this writing, you may be a Liberal or you may not possess a sense of humor or you may be afflicted with a far more insidious mental disease I have termed Latent Liberalism. It has been misdiagnosed as simple RINOism in the past; it afflicts several older or experienced legislative types in Washington. Snow and Collins are two of the most obvious, but after being “outed” during the Obama presidency, it is doubtful if they can escape the wrath of the Maine voter, despite the favored status Maine enjoys from the Obama Administration. Thus, Dr Skook, using the skills inherent in the field of amateur psychoanalysis, predicts that Latent Liberals may become an endangered species after the 2012 election; perhaps, as rare as the hipporilla or the gopotamus, but there will plenty of openings at the Gadahfi Fictional Zoo, wherever it ends up once he finishes dithering and committing mass murder.