Hope and Change…Your Clothes! [Reader Post]

Hold still, will you, Uncle Sam?”

“I’m sorry. I just don’t feel right about this. Where’s that resume again?”

“Resume? My samples are my resume! EVERYbody I’ve done ALL my work for has been VERY satisfied,” Barry said, winking slyly to his friend Libby.

“Weeelll,” stalled Sam.

“These old red, white and blue duds are so ‘passay’, Sam. Get with the times!”

“I just can’t see it.” Uncle Sam shrugged.

“Neither can I,” agreed Joe Voter.

“All you need is Hope, remember? OK, I guess we’ve got to do it again. Let’s all chant it…ready?”

“Yes, we can! Yes, we can! Yes, we can!”

“I know Spanish, too. Well, I don’t, but…Let’s go”

“Si, se puede! Si, se puede! Si, se puede!”

“You should be able to see these underpants now. Everybody see them?”

“Yes I can,” commented one, followed by general agreement, everyone glancing nervously around.

“See, we have pink and sky, no over-strong red and blue. Notice the ultra-hip swoosh pastel design, tastefully placed,” said Barry chuckling as he looked around, inviting reaction.

“Oh, yes, tastefully placed…funny!…Ha! Ha!” everyone commented and laughed.

“So these “Energy Wear” undies have plenty of renewable energy options and futuristic, with-it …”

“But how are we going to be covered now with no new-coal technology, no nuclear, no drilling? We should have those, too. It’s going to take decades for those other options…” objected George.

“George. George!” said Barry grabbing George’s face in his hands. “You’re too practical! You want drilling? All right, let me put this nice ‘drilling’ sticker on. Everybody see?”

“Sure!” “Oh, yes!” “I see it!”

“Here is your ‘No Conditions’ vest.” Barry said, holding out his two hands, as if holding a vest. “Unfortunately, it’s only good if things don’t get too hot out there in the world, but it sure looks good and that’s what’s important! Go ahead, put it on.”

“You’re putting me on,” deadpanned Sam.

“Oh, no, you misunderstood. Put IT on,” said Libby, chuckling.

Sam put ‘it’ on.

“It’s a little drafty,” noticed Sam.

“Yeah, we may have to say we changed it, add some ‘conditions’” muttered Barry absent-mindely. “You’ll get used to it. There’s really nothing to this,” insisted Barry, winking knowingly once again to Libby.

“Now, here is the piece de resistance, your ‘Save the World Poverty Bill’ T-shirt worth only $845 BILLION dollars!” cried Barry, triumphantly!

“Isn’t that a trifle pricy?” objected Sam, weakly.

“You ARE kidding me, Sam, right? This is what makes the whole ensemble work! Think how GOOD you are going to look to everybody in the world!” argued Barry.

“How much is all this costing?” asked Sam, timidly. “That white Universal Health Care shirt with the extra long arms you were talking about, the one that’s fastened with tacks, or taxes, I was already going to charge that on credit and…”

“Oh, no need to talk about that now. Give me credit for knowing what I’m doing,” Barry smiled sweetly. “Here’s our next piece, the Home Militia beret…”

[Fast forward to January 20, 2009]

“Well, it’s show time, Sam. Walk out there and impress the world!” cried Barry.

Uncle Sam walked out. Total silence reigned. Young toddler, Baby Blogger, broke the silence, “MOMMY, UNCLE SAM HAS NO CLOTHES!”

Vladimir Putin started applauding one clap at a time, very slowly, breaking the silence. “I see you are enjoying the services of this tailor. He is like many I have commissioned myself. I have really looked forward to seeing you like this. It’s the real you!”

China, Iran, North Korea and a dangerous-looking group nodded their heads vigorously. Everyone else gasped.

Uncle Sam blushed about as red as the rear end of a naughty boy. He turned to Barry, “YOU did this to me! And now, I’ve got no money to buy a real suit with proper red, white and blue. Why, you’re fired!”

“Uh, uh, UHHH! (I just love saying uh, uh, uh.) Tsk! Tsk!” said Barry, taking out a scroll and letting it unroll, “We’ve got a contract for FOUR YEARS! Bwah, ha, ha, ha! Bwah, ha, ha, ha! BWAH, HA, HA, HA!….”
……….

“This is a NIGHTMARE!” cried Sam, as he shot bolt upright in bed.

“Yes,” replied Dr. Madison calmly, “That seems to be a nightmare you just had.”

“This is the worst one yet.”

“Our unconscious mind often warns us about the path an illness might take IF we don’t seek treatment,” commented the doctor wisely.

“Well, where are those good-old Maverick pills? They may not be flashy, but they have a proven track record of working, not like the snake oil that skinny fella with the big ears had me swallow.”

“Uncle Sam, we’ll all keep you right on schedule!” cried all the nieces and nephews.

“I know for a fact you guys care about me. You’re all so anxious to give me bad-tasting medicine that’s good for me, aren’t you?” joked Sam.

“Oh, yes, we love seeing you take bad-tasting medicine!” they cried.

Sam picked up the cut-glass bottle Obama had given him. “I guess I understand the slogan on this bottle of snake oil now: ‘Change…There’s Nothing To It’.”